Strange thing happened while sitting here at the airport, waiting for my flight to board, reminiscing over the past six weeks here in California with my family. I am sitting here observing myself, observe me. It feels like an out of body experience; as I sit here, and watch myself step outside of me and observe my thoughts and feelings. I knew upon coming that the experience would yield for me far more than what I initially came here for.
Though I did not know what, I knew that this trip would be a part of something that would set me on a new path or be part of a new sense of destiny. God works in multiples, he doesn’t just move you in directions for one purpose but works multiple plans simultaneously.
I felt a sense of confidence and purpose that I had not felt before I Lula, at the airport traveling alone, a black woman, who was once timid and afraid to think on my own having been brainwashed into trying to be “mindless” (that is another story), now here thinking about the possibilities in my life. Now feeling like for the first time that I am heading in a direction in my life that I dreamed of, making moves, and plans that come from my own passion and drive, knowing that it is ok and giving myself permission to do things that I thought of before but was never confident enough to peruse, that I didn’t think I could do or deserve to have.
I actually feel like I can. That I now actually have permission to enjoy life, and do something that I want. That I can actually dictate the direction that I want my life to go not dependent on anyone else’s wishes or get their permission. I don’t even have to worry about wether I am in the will of God or not, because he has placed his song in my heart and for the first time in my life I’m actually hearing it. I know that may sound strange coming from a 54 year old grandmother but when your teens and nearly all of your adult life is lived under the dictates of someone else’s control, abuse, misuse and advantage, you loose who you are, and what your true purpose for being here is, along with any desires, ambitions or potential you may have or had.
It is such a free and exhilarating feeling to think and feel that you want to do something in life and know you can, and have what it takes to get there. It is a testament that at any age you can awaken and take hold of your freedom to BE……