Other People’s Opinion of You…Not Your Own

image “When people put you down long enough you start to believe it”. I was watching the movie Pretty Woman today and I heard Julia Roberts make that statement. For those who have not seen the movie it’s a Cinderella type love story about a hooker, Julia and her rich Jon Richard Gere who pays her to spend the week with him as his date.  After spending time with her he Begins to see that there’s more to her than what is seen in the life she has been living.
He tells her that she is smart and starts to tell her the good attributes that he sees, she makes the statement, when you hear negative and derogatory things said about you for so long you begin to believe it and then you start to become it,(my emphasis.)  The bad stuff is easier to believe than the good.

Hearing that statement sparked me to write this piece because it’s so true.  Each of us can tell our own story about the unbelief we feel when someone tells us about all the good things they see or admire about us.

How much do we focus on and believe the criticisms of others more than the strengths and capabilities that we hold.

Even when we do know our owns strengths and gifts,we many times cower back in the background and let others take ownership and responsibility for things we clearly know we would do better.  We do it because we either don’t really believe in ourselves enough or are afraid to step up and take on the challenge.

We don’t have to allow other people’s opinion of us to become our reality.  We need only believe in ourselves enough to know that we can do what we determine or were gifted to do, and watch our environment open up and lead us into the right time and place.

But as the pretty woman said, it’s easier to believe the bad stuff.  My take is because we have been conditioned to.

It’s easier and does not take much effort.  When you decide to press in to who you know you were meant to be, you are many times going up stream in a downhill current.

One of the things I have been working on to help renew my mind to believe the truth about who I am, is to participate in the daily A.B.L.E. challenge that Charity’s Hope has going for the month.  Research shows that it takes twenty eight days to change a habit.

Doing the A.B.L.E’s for tthirtyt days is building a new habit.  A.B.L.E. stands for A Beautiful Loving Expression.  It is a statement you start with “I am” A Beautiful Loving Expression of……what ever you are declaring to be the expression of that day.

The goal is to get you to think about who you are or the you that you are striving to be.  In thinking about who that is, you begin to speak or declare to yourself what Beautiful, Loving, Expression of that person you are going to be that day.  It doesn’t matter if that is you Yet.  In declaring it at the beginning of your day you are planting the seeds in your conscious mind to start hearing out of your own mouth, what you believe about yourself.

As you hear yourself  expressing the positive attributes of you in the tense of it being now; you are re conditioning yourself to believe that it is,  even if  not yet in full manifestation.  This makes it normal and natural as you begin to operate in the Beautiful Loving Expressions of yourself that you have declared to be you.

This is the process of not allowing other people’s opinions of you become your reality unless that opinion is in agreement with the reality of you that you know to be the one you choose.  You don’t have to believe the unbelief of others about you, when they speak their negative beliefs you declare, I am A.B.L.E!

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Adversity the stuff that builds fortitude

20140317-094648.jpg  We, Charity’s Hope are doing a 30 day challenge to declare what we are ABLE (A Beautiful Loving Expression) of; to retrain our minds from focusing on what we are not or cannot do to who we are and are doing. The challenge is to wake up and declare what you will be A beautiful loving expression of, and make that your goal for the day or what you are as a result of what you have already gone through and have come out with.
Today my A.B.L.E was fortitude. I choose that because with what I have passed through in my life, I would be considered a statistic and tragedy, a life wasted. Instead I am a Victor and more powerful than I have ever been. When I looked up the definition of fortitude it was truly a match because it means: “Strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity” It is was the pain and adversity of my life that gave me the strength to know that I can and will succeed at anything I choose to do. What doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger, you just have to change your paradigm(the way you look at or perceive a thing) and refuse to be a statistic.
We are one thought away from any direction we want to go in life. You cannot change your past, it is done, but you can change your response to the circumstances of it by choosing to accept a higher view of what happened. It does not mean we ignore or be in denial of it but that we choose to not allow it to dictate our lives going forward. In doing so we give ourselves freedom and are liberated from the chains that keeps us enslaved to the person, thing or circumstance that inflicted or contributed to the pain or adversity. It is in the mind that we either stay locked in the time and space of the event or walk out of it into the future that we choose. Fortitude, it is fortitude that I have walked out of my adversity with, because now that I Am, I know that I can do/be whatever I choose, not what is expected.

I’ve been Liberated but am I Free?

Freedom vs. Liberty, this week while doing some personal development I heard a speaker talk about the difference between freedom and liberty.  Before that I never really thought about whether there was a difference because to me to have liberty meant you had freedom.  True but not necessarily.  You can be totally liberated from a thing but yet in bondage and not have freedom.  How many people do you know that are grown adults, living their own lives apart from their parents, yet are in absolute bondage to what their parents have to say about their lives, so much so they experience  full anxiety at the thought of them coming around.  That’s just a small example but you get the point.

To live a life of true freedom comes from a choice that you make regardless of the current circumstance that you may find yourself in.  It is a state of mind that you allow.  You can be in what appears to be burdened or bound in your outward circumstance but have total freedom.

In the Christian bible it is stated that, “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed” meaning that Jesus came to absolve us from our debt of bondage to a sinful nature and free us to live a life of no condemnation through the blood that he shed in payment for our freedom.  That is only activated when we choose to accept/believe it and act on it.

I like that freedom can be had regardless of the state of ones current situation; meaning, you can be incarcerated in a prison cell and still be free.  The mind is the one arena that NO one can touch.  It is the place that you have control over through choice.  It is where you decide whether you are going to allow what you experience on the outward dictate your actions or your inner principals rule.  It is in the mind where we win or lose our battles.  Between the stimuli and the response is that space of CHOICE.  I know all to well that this road is not an easy one to follow.  It is virtually impossible for me to not respond when my liberty is being stepped on, but I fully believe that when you are free, your liberties can be crushed and your freedom will still be in tact, because it is not predicated on what is done to you, but how you choose to interpret or view what is being done.

It is what you choose as a response to that outward stimulation that decides whether it will have power and control over you or you have the power and control over yourself.  It’s in that space between the stimulus, the thing that happens to you and your response, where the choice lies.  It is ever so subtle but ever so powerful.  We in that split second or moment have the ability to choose whether we will respond as a person that is free from outward triggers or in bondage to them.

Yea, I know this is some heavy stuff.  It is not something that you just jump into and master immediately, but it is something you can master.  Jesus demonstrated it when he did not allow the outward trial and persecution of the Sanhedrin dictate his responses.  He knew what they were doing but more than that he knew what his purpose was and he did not allow anything in the outward environment sway him from that.

When we allow outward circumstances dictate our inner peace, then we in fact are not free, but enslaved to the “thing” that can elicit a reaction from us at its whim.  True freedom is when we don’t allow Anything to overcome us or make us react from a place that is not of peace.  Once we are truly free then the environment will respond, bringing us true liberty.