Other People’s Opinion of You…Not Your Own

image “When people put you down long enough you start to believe it”. I was watching the movie Pretty Woman today and I heard Julia Roberts make that statement. For those who have not seen the movie it’s a Cinderella type love story about a hooker, Julia and her rich Jon Richard Gere who pays her to spend the week with him as his date.  After spending time with her he Begins to see that there’s more to her than what is seen in the life she has been living.
He tells her that she is smart and starts to tell her the good attributes that he sees, she makes the statement, when you hear negative and derogatory things said about you for so long you begin to believe it and then you start to become it,(my emphasis.)  The bad stuff is easier to believe than the good.

Hearing that statement sparked me to write this piece because it’s so true.  Each of us can tell our own story about the unbelief we feel when someone tells us about all the good things they see or admire about us.

How much do we focus on and believe the criticisms of others more than the strengths and capabilities that we hold.

Even when we do know our owns strengths and gifts,we many times cower back in the background and let others take ownership and responsibility for things we clearly know we would do better.  We do it because we either don’t really believe in ourselves enough or are afraid to step up and take on the challenge.

We don’t have to allow other people’s opinion of us to become our reality.  We need only believe in ourselves enough to know that we can do what we determine or were gifted to do, and watch our environment open up and lead us into the right time and place.

But as the pretty woman said, it’s easier to believe the bad stuff.  My take is because we have been conditioned to.

It’s easier and does not take much effort.  When you decide to press in to who you know you were meant to be, you are many times going up stream in a downhill current.

One of the things I have been working on to help renew my mind to believe the truth about who I am, is to participate in the daily A.B.L.E. challenge that Charity’s Hope has going for the month.  Research shows that it takes twenty eight days to change a habit.

Doing the A.B.L.E’s for tthirtyt days is building a new habit.  A.B.L.E. stands for A Beautiful Loving Expression.  It is a statement you start with “I am” A Beautiful Loving Expression of……what ever you are declaring to be the expression of that day.

The goal is to get you to think about who you are or the you that you are striving to be.  In thinking about who that is, you begin to speak or declare to yourself what Beautiful, Loving, Expression of that person you are going to be that day.  It doesn’t matter if that is you Yet.  In declaring it at the beginning of your day you are planting the seeds in your conscious mind to start hearing out of your own mouth, what you believe about yourself.

As you hear yourself  expressing the positive attributes of you in the tense of it being now; you are re conditioning yourself to believe that it is,  even if  not yet in full manifestation.  This makes it normal and natural as you begin to operate in the Beautiful Loving Expressions of yourself that you have declared to be you.

This is the process of not allowing other people’s opinions of you become your reality unless that opinion is in agreement with the reality of you that you know to be the one you choose.  You don’t have to believe the unbelief of others about you, when they speak their negative beliefs you declare, I am A.B.L.E!

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YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST, the lie we’ve been told.

As I was sitting this morning contemplating some things that I have been working out in my life, The phrase “You are Not Your Past” rang out in my mind. It is what I have stated over and over about life to others since I have been on this journey to change my own belief about who I am, in relation to what my past life and experiences held me to be.

As I thought about that statement, I realized, it is not true.  You are your past, and all that it has indoctrinated you to accept and believe.  Think about it.  The body we are in, actually went through the different experiences and episodes of our life’s journey, there is no getting around it.  Those experiences have been embedded into our psyche and have influenced our thinking and what we believe to the point that the repercussions of some experiences have become a part of our non conscious mind; yet they in fact are governing forces to our beliefs and behaviors. Whether we want to admit it or not, we become the products of what we are around the most, think about the most, and the habits we replicate the most.

The things we believe that we can and can’t do in life, are based on what we believe our strengths and weakness are and what we believe we have the ability to do and not do.  Even those of us who have ventured out to reach beyond our programming, and have stepped off the curb, away from the life we determined that we weren’t going to live; are still in many instances living in the shadows of our past programming’s.

I was looking at a teaching by Dr. Carol Dweck

on the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  The lecture was based on a study that was measuring academic growth among elementary students.  She, through her research made a remarkable discovery about the psychological differences that made some students excel and others fail, this discovery on mindset is not relegated to children but for adults also.  Without going into details the research revealed the differences in outcome when you have been programmed to have a certain mindset.

That programming is a result of what you have been taught, through the actions and non actions of your environment as well as purposefully, by those that were put in your life to be your guides.

Long story short, since you are a product of your past the question then becomes do you have to live with its outcomes or do you have the power to change it?  My answer is a definitive YES! You have the ability to change the trajectory of your life at any point you decide.  It does not matter what led you down the path you are now in, YOU with the right understanding can change your direction and who you have become, to BE who you were created to BE.  That talk will be the discussion in my next post.  Say tuned.

To Thine Ownself Be True

imageI was reading an article that was giving tips on how to be your own brand and ran across the titled statement.  I paused and pondered it for a moment because it struck me as a very powerful point.  We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and things, that we lose our selves in the mix. Many times it happens so fast or subtle that we are not aware until we find ourselves reacting or responding to a word or event that is totally out of character for us.  Then it hits, who are you?

Upon thinking about this I also realized that you cannot be true to yourself if you don’t really know who your true self is.  Are you a wife, that is here just to do the courtesy and expected “wifely” things.  Are you a mother, who runs around like a mad woman trying to appease the needs of her children to no avail or are you just a good employee, that makes sure the wishes of the company and your supervisor/manager is always happy and pleased?

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong or ignoble about any of those positions.  Our honor and integrity should have us to always strive to be the best person we can be at what ever role in life we hold. But we have to make sure that we are not letting them bury the person that we truly are or desire to be.

In my own life I have found that before I could really be true to myself I had to take a hard look at the me that I was at the time and evaluate every aspect of her.  Was that the person that I always saw myself to be or dreamed of as a child? Or am I functioning in a portion of who I rally am or have been designed to be? If I am then how did I get here and why? Those questions offered me a challenge to evaluate my life and actions.
Often times we are living the life of someone else’s forming and not the one we were created and designed by our creator to fulfill. The current life has come from various sorts of programming about who you are, who you are not to be like, or act like; what you should and should not or can’t do. Not to get me wrong because some of those things were there for our development and safety but when you start to feel this tugging on the inside that there is more, you have more or want to do more, that may be the time to take a good look at where you are, how you got there and whether it is time to ditch some of the precepts and ideals that have crafted you into the clothes you are wearing; and seek a new wardrobe, the one that was designed just for you.
To thine own self be true…….